riding around.
fucking carefree.
the only worry was what was going down and where.
no obligations.
nothing holding us back.
the whole world right in front of us.
we never thought maybe we were living to fast.
fucking up way to much.
the latest band screaming their hate from the cd player.
the smell of sweet smoke and over cologned boys.
cramming as many that could fit. little clown car.
never a doubt of getting caught. hell the thought of it fueled us more.
fucking rebels. thats what we thought.
we three were a little bit different.
the hippie.
the punk
and well me.
it didn't make sense what we all were doing.
but that didn't matter. we had a hell of a time in that little red sunfire.
packed till we couldn't breathe. unloading and loading back up. new people. old friends. new opportunities.
when that bell rang. and we rushed outside. it was waiting on us.
when we left a show. blown out of our minds. it was waiting on us.
when we had our little tifts. it was waiting on us to reconcile or blast the stereo. which ever came first.
when we went on liquor runs or whatever else came to mind. it was waiting on us.
before the kids. before college. before full time jobs and apartment payments and heartbreak after heartbreak. before this life we call adulthood.
we once all that fire inside. to prove ourselfves.

I'd give anything to be that carefree again. like I was once in that little red sunfire.

god damn it.

for fuck sake.

I fucking quit.



I just want to fucking punch something. someone.

please...don't write him...don't talk to him...just go away


why can't you do that.

why everything things are going so great...you have to pop up?

you have a man...you have your own steady supply of drugs...so you need nothing from him...and especially from me.
I'm tired of you always ruining everything with you slut power.


well its not going to work this time. I won't stand by and let that happen...I won't lose him again.

I can only be pushed so far...so open your mouth about me one more time...call me every name in the book...and lets just see what you get back.

because you are not that badass as you claim and everyone knows it.


so just go away.

one step forward



two steps back.


I need something solid beneath me
because if I lose my footing once more
it probably will be the last.


I've never felt more withdrawn than now.

with everything.
with your choices.

and I hope your new girl treats you like you treated me.

you are kind of sitting pretty now are you not?
got what you want.
you always seemed to.





I don't think I have ever hated anyone as much as you.
because I've never loved someone as strongly as you.

seriously I won't write back,
you are possibly the worst I've ever met.
why burn down bridges before you get shipped out?

I didn't want back with you.
I just wanted to let you know I still cared for you in some way.
give you support I thought you needed.

sorry for being there for you when noone else was.
don't worry about it...I won't let that happen again.
don't think of me.
don't think of my family.
for I mean nothing to you
and let it stay that way.

bye bye beautiful.

you need to get you life straightened out before you come back to me.

I don't give out second chances very often...but maybe this is the person I'm supposed to give one to.

but please do me a favor...get away from her...before you start with me.

you can play me once for a fool
but I've learned your game
I'm not going to fall for lies this time around.

so take you time and make it up
am I really what you want.

but I'm not going to wait forever on you.

what the fuck I'm doing wrong.


have at it.

just keep it coming.

throw another punch my way.
its not like I haven't had enough already.



.fuck my life.

oh man I fucked up big time.
and I hate myslef for it

I hate that I let you fool me
that I let it get so far
and last so long

I hate the fact that I should have known all along
but ignored the signs

I hate the fact that you still tell everyone its all in my head
and that you would never...because you cared for me so much
but I have proof and a confession from you...even though I'm sure there is more to come

I hate the fact that I got talked into a relationship with you
remember I was just wanting to have fun [rebound]
but you sir were the one who wanted something more

I hate all of your excuses you have come up with
just to be with her

and her of all people
the one you said was nothing to you but a friend
the one you said was ugly
the one you said you would never touch

and I definitely hate the fact that all of elwood knows
and yet you seem to still deny it

I should have ran when I saw the scratches or the hickies...which you claimed were not.
but no I thought just stick it out maybe he really is trying

well fuck me for having faith in people
fuck me for actually seeing the good in you...which was false
and fuck me for actually caring more than I should have

and you know what gets me the most is the fact that you say you want to be friends
and you serious?
because of you I have to go get tested
and by god If I do have anything you will die...no doubt in my mind
you think I did damage before
you have seen nothing
you think I had people backing me up then
it will be nothing compared to what will happen to you then

so be warned and your bitch to.